A spirit of resignation seems to characterize so many men dealing with pornography addiction. From time to time, such as today, i feel it creeping over me.
It’s a fight sometimes to not give up and say “What’s the point?”
This is the terrrible cycle of any addiction, and pornography addiction in particular. You try to fight it, talk to a counselor, get some accountability and devise a strategy to move toward freedom, and the addiction seems to get stronger.
Then, a defeatist mentality starts to grow and you think it’s not really worth it to strive for change. The resignation mounts and you decide to just suffer through the shame, guilt and overall discontent of it all because it’s futile to do anything other than manage the addiction.
You settle for the hollow consolation that as long as it doesn’t get out of control you’ll be alright.
It’s a brutal cycle because the defeat and resignation feed the addiction; you run back to porn to comfort the horrible things you feel inside. And thus, the addiction grows and takes more and more of you down.
Recently i was talking with a brother on the journey and he is living in the place of resignation at the moment. It’s painful to watch. i remember it well.
But a life line came to him in the most interesting way. He actually got scared. He became scared that if things didn’t change he might get so deep in with the addiction that he wouldn’t be able to find his way out.
Such fear is righteous and holy, and it’s a gift. My transformation started that way. It was the emotional equivalent of shock and awe.