We have these things we tell ourselves as a means of comfort when we know things are bad.

Parents going through a messy divorce will console themselves with sayings like: “Kids are resilient.” Or they may tell each other: “The kids don’t really see all that’s going on.” Even more common is:”Time heals all wounds.”

Yes, kids are resilient if by “resilient” you mean: They learn to cope. But coping and healing are worlds apart.

The more i look at my own life and the lives of men i work with regarding the wounds of their past and the current manifestation of those wounds in pornography addiction, the more it is clear that healing must be intentional. There is no vague form of healing that just descends on you like the morning dew.

Rather, the purposeful work of God by His Spirit to address specific things that have been broken in our relationships is required. What were the words of life and encouragement that you never heard as a young boy? What questions went unanswered at key points? Was there some physical or sexual or verbal abuse along the way?

We cannot be naive and think that the simple passage of time would heal such deep and devastating wounds. We must take the journey back to those places and times where in our development as boys — becoming young men, becoming grown men — we actually failed to receive the words of life we needed. And if some trauma occurred which short-circuited the proper growth and development, that too must be revisited.

Without the intervention of God and the continuing work of His Holy Spirit, i can only imagine the train wreck my life would be right now. If i were even still alive.

But He does make all things new, and transformation is real.

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