It’s a story as old as time: when caught, lie.
But we don’t call it lying any more, it’s “spin.” We shade the truth, minimize and play games with our words to obscure the brutal reality: We wanted, and took, something we shouldn’t have.
This is the pornography addict’s situation. And the deeper we get into it, the more deception we use. Pretty soon, it’s just one constant lie we are living.
Pretty soon we belong in the same category with Tiger Woods, Ben Roethlisberger, Mark Sanford, Jesse James and countless others. And it is the surprising lack of spin on the part of Tiger that catches us unaware. He actually admitted something most people cover up. He was forced to. But listen carefully to his words and you will hear him starting to deal with his problem.
The evasive maneuvers start out subtely; they are easy enough. When my friend challenges me on my actions, i come up with an excuse, or a way of talking about what i did that is vague enough that it leaves out the truth of what was going on.
In my addiction i never said: “i went to that strip club happily; i wanted to see it. i couldn’t wait to get there.” No. my “admitting” of my sin was always cast in more noble and less shocking terms.
This is the challenge we face as addicts dealing with our issues. We must be committed to brutal honesty. This is something the men in our group committed to in a new and serious way a few weeks ago. We gave permission to one another to be extremely direct; almost invasive. We agreed that “soft” accountability was of no use to us.
And we are seeing the difference already. It is, at times, painful. We have a subtle and crafty Enemy who seeks to convince us that our indulgence is no big deal. Our flesh wants to believe that’s true. In no time we we get very comfortable with bending the truth and avoiding real, direct answers. That warps us even further.
We must remember that we are at war, and the first casualty of war is the truth.