Accountability — What A Tricky Thing

For men dealing with pornography addiction, we all know we need accountability. But it’s still often a fight to get good accountability.

There is a tendency to talk more about accountability than actually to have the talks which probe the issues and are achieving accountability. i spent many years in so-called accountability groups, where we faked it most of the time. And so the pornography indulgence just grew all the while.

Add to this the fact that for married men, there is always the issue of what does your wife really know about this? How aware of your struggle is she? How open are you with her about your sin?

The debate then rages as to whether a man’s wife should be his accountability partner: that is, should she be the one checking in with him? Should she be the one asking the direct questions and not letting him off the hook with vague (non)answers?

The recent podcast from Covenant Eyes addresses this by asking experts in the field. The answer across the board is: “No.” But, with a qualifier: a man is still accountable to his wife. This is not a contradiction, as Joe Dallas points out in the podcast, because the specific nature of what amounts to an accountability relationship is different from simply having an open and honest relationship with one’s wife.

Men need other men in this battle. Men need other men to be the ones asking the hard questions. Men need other men to be the ones who are their network of support. After all, the journey out of pornography addiction is a journey into authentic masculinity. And for that journey, men need other men.

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