There is a question that lingers for all of us, but especially the man struggling with pornography addiction: What am i pursuing at this moment?
And as we look to get below the waterline and see what is fueling the indulgence of pornography, the question of pursuit becomes one of the most important. And if we are to see any measure of freedom in the struggle against Pornography, Lust and Masturbation (PLM), we must decipher the murky intentions of our hearts.
During the years i was addicted, my pursuits were many: i desired approval; i desired a certain measure of fame; i desired comfort; i desired a life where there were no problems and nothing was required of me; and i wanted to be a hero without having to actually do the hard work of performing a heroic act.
i ran to pornography. It feed every one of those desires. i felt like a heroic man without having to be one. When i was watching it, porn made me comfortable and gave me the illusion that i was approved of in a “world” where no problems existed.
When the pull to lust or look at porn tugs on our hearts, we will not know how to respond unless we know the deeper pursuit within us which we are attempting to have satisfied by porn. In other words, we must know what is the question our heart is asking in the heat of the moment, and why does pornography seem like the answer?
Healing comes when we as men can identify the root cause; the desire fueling the lust in the first place. Then we can address the issues of approval, comfort, heroism and so on appropriately.
The woman — whether she be on the screen, in a magazine or walking down the street — can never satisfy the deep pursuits of our masculine hearts. A woman is an indispensable partner in the life God calls us to as men, but she cannot be the answer to our questions of identity and masculinity.