Objects Of Lust, or Loathing

i was talking with a friend the other day when i was reminded of a particularly damaging effect of pornography addiction: the more you give yourself to it, the more you see women either as objects of lust or objects of loathing.

Pornographers will argue otherwise, but in the end — in that world — women have one purpose:  To please men.  Those who are not pleasing, whatever the reason, are despised; they become objects of loathing.

And so, the men who spend their time letting their thoughts be shaped by porn culture begin relating to women from either a position of lust, or loathing.

i remember when i was hit between the eyes with this reality shortly after my Confession. My wife challenged me strongly, based on something she was reading in a book about marriage called Sacred Marriage.

One day, she handed me the book, told me what page to read, and i was done in. It only took the author, Gary Thomas, a few paragraphs to cut me to the quick.

i became unable to avoid the reality of it: i either viewed women as objects of Lust or as objects of Loathing.  i was forced to pray about it; i was forced to recognize it each time the attitude rose to the surface in my life; and i was forced to a humble place of feeling dirty before God.

i was truly ashamed of myself.

i asked Him to change the way i viewed women. and i kept asking.

Then, as God often does, He started bringing all sorts of women into my world as a way to force me to practice developing the right attitude — a loving attitude — towards women.

i learned how to see them through eyes of Love, not lust. i learned compassion, instead of despising those who seemed unattractive or annoying.

i remember one encounter vividly:  i was in line at a convenience store, and when i got to the cashier, i saw that the woman was clearly somewhat developmentally delayed. She may have had a mild case of Downs, or something like that. she was entirely capable of the job, but was definitely not one of the world’s “beautiful people.” Immediately, my heart welled with a combination of sadness for her developmental delay; compassion for her; and admiration. i remember thinking: “She is beautiful.” When i got to my car i started crying.

God was changing me into a man who knew how to love. The defects in my orientation towards women — which is a shared condition among porn addicts — can only be changed by repeatedly bringing our brokenness to God in times of prayer; usually, anguished prayer.

But the healing He brings is tremendous.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: