It’s a popular refrain that most men hate to hear: Where have all the good men gone?
But, so many times, it’s exactly the right question. The Wall Street Journal had this piece on the subject authored by Kay S. Hymowitz, who has written a book on the problem of prolonged adolescence among males.
i have not read the book. However, the article in the WSJ rang true for me. This line grabbed me:
[Women said that] their male peers often come across as aging frat boys, maladroit geeks or grubby slackers.
i have seen this in males now for years. John Eldredge refers to guys like that as “uninitiated men.” They have not gone through the usual experiences; learned the necessary lessons and grown into actual men.
What’s the connection to pornography? Hymowitz writes:
In his disregard for domestic life, the playboy was prologue for today’s pre-adult male. Unlike the playboy with his jazz and art-filled pad, however, our boy rebel is a creature of the animal house. In the 1990s, Maxim, the rude, lewd and hugely popular “lad” magazine arrived from England. Its philosophy and tone were so juvenile, so entirely undomesticated, that it made Playboy look like Camus.
Sure, there are stresses associated with being a man in this day and age. Sure, everyone seems to have a different set of expectations for them. But if they would step away from the XBox and put down their porn long enough to see the world around them they would realize something is deeply broken.
Then, if they reached for a definition of masculinity that had substance, such as a Biblical definition, they would find out that cultural expectations may change like the weather, but there is an anchor in the midst of the storm.
It’s time for us as men to answer this age-old question: “Where have all the good men gone?” by saying — “You’re looking at one.”