fighting for free hearts

Validation And Affirmation

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Ultimately, men who struggle with addiction to pornography — as well as those who dabble and think that somehow that’s OK — are looking for Life.

They are also looking for Validation and Affirmation.

Men run to porn to get Validated and Affirmed as men.  Having that woman look back at them from the video screen or magazine; having her offer herself; soothes a deep insecurity in us:  We feel — however briefly — significant.

More than that, we feel powerful. We are Validated and Affirmed as men.

Except, it’s all a lie.

She has nothing that can truly Validate us.  And in that encounter with the pornographic image, she is offering that to any man who will pay.  She is not, in any way, endorsing you as a man.

And how tragic that in her own search to be found beautiful and desirable she would think that selling herself to anonymous men would ever soothe the deep ache in her own heart.

The Woman is powerful; her sexual beauty is thoroughly intoxicating to the male soul.  God planned it that way.  After all, Adam breaks into poetry when he sees Eve the first time.

They were naked and unashamed.

When the deep question of a man’s heart — namely, “Am i a man?” — goes unanswered, The Woman comes along and offers to answer that question.  It’s a counterfeit.

It’s a counterfeit for her as well, because what The Woman seeks in offering herself she will never get that way.  She needs her own Validation and Affirmation as a woman.  The sexual arousal she provides for anonymous men can never give her the security she seeks.

It never really answers the question.

That’s why men keep running to more and more porn. Or, if not porn, they run to one sexual relationship after another. Women are consumed and discarded, they are not truly loved and valued. So The Woman’s question never gets answered either.

If a man is to ever be Validated and Affirmed as a man, it won’t come through the words or actions of The Woman, especially her sexual actions.  And if The Woman is ever to know she is truly beautiful and valuable, it cannot come through sexual encounters.

For both men and women, Validation and Affirmation must come from The Father. He tells us our true value.

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