While it’s not simply a matter of trying harder and trying to assert will power alone to experience freedom from addiction to pornography and lust, there are a few things that every man needs to do if he is ever to break free.
Sin thrives in secrecy. Keeping our addictive behavior hidden in the darkness guarantees that it will never stop. The addictive cycle, the death, the isolation and further indulgence which deepens porn’s hold on us continue as long as we hide.
Once the addiction is brought into the light, fully, there is the opportunity for real change.
For years the counselor i was seeing for issues other than porn addiction would tell me — on those rare occassions when i told him i had gone to an adult bookstore, or looked at porn — that i needed to confess it to my wife.
i stubbornly refused. i didn’t even tell the full story to another man. it was too shameful, and i had too much to lose — i thought — by opening up about my porn use.
But staying in the shadows only meant that the addiction worsened.
After i was exposed, and the whole story of what i was into came out, healing began. There have been more steps in the journey toward freedom, but it all began by shedding light on the addiction.
Every man needs four things to experience freedom. These are the practices of Intentional Warriors:
- He needs to come clean about this addiction to his wife (if he has one) or his fiance if he is engaged. It’s a judgment call as to how much he needs to say to a woman he is seriously dating but not yet engaged to. However, the woman should know something about what he is dealing with.
- He needs to find a group of men who know his story and are committed to walking with him toward healing by practicing total honesty and disclosure. That’s the setting for authentic accountability, the kind that really makes a difference.
- He needs to deal with the wounds of his past, particularly wounds he has received from his father.
- He must engage in spiritual warfare and the renouncing of Enemy strongholds through prayer.
And then these four practices become a way of life into the future.