fighting for free hearts

4 Crucial Practices, Point No. 2: Get A Band Of Brothers

Band of Brothers (TV miniseries)

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In the last couple of posts i have been talking about the 4 crucial practices of intentional warriors.  Men who want to be free from the snare of pornography addiction and a life dominated by lust have to fight for it. And in order to fight well, a man must have a band of brothers.

Once a man has come clean and  told his wife / fiance the truth about his involvement, he then needs to gather with other men — even if there is only one man — who can know the details of the addict’s story and walk with him toward healing.

In my journey i had  a couple different men who were right there at the epicenter, the moment when all hell broke loose in my life and my marriage.  And just a few months later i was able to get into a group for men who were addicts and were studying the Bible to apply its truth to the struggle for purity.

i leaned very heavily on all of those male relationships in the first couple of years following the admission that i was an addict.

Contrary to what many people think, calling yourself a pornography addict does not absolve you of responsibility for your actions.  There is a gross misconception that using the term “addict” is like a get-out-of-jail-free card.

Not so.  Using “addict” in relation to pornography or sex simply describes the nature of the beast. The beast must be slain.  We must pick up the sword and learn from God, the Master of the Sword, how to slay the dragon.

The healing i received in those early 2-3 years of the journey was the result of authentic accountability.  Men asked me direct questions and  didn’t let me give vauge answers:  something all addicts are experts at doing.  But also crucial was the fact that the accountability came within the context of a band of brothers: men who loved me.

i had faked my way through accountability for 12 years.  That time had come to an end. It’s time all men refused to pretend, and play a game of purposeful vaugness.

Then and now, a band of brothers has made all the difference.

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