When i was living in my addiction i was constantly appearing to be someone, or something, that i wasn’t.
Some of the time, maybe, i actually was close to the person i was leading everyone to believe i was. But that was a small fraction of the time. My life was a front.
All the more egregious was the fact that my front was played out in a church leadership situation where i was teaching groups of people the Bible. At times i even addressed the topics of pornography, lust and masturbation.
i recently talked to a woman who told me that her close male friend finally got caught by his wife: he was a porn addict and had actually been having an affair. Nobody would ever have suspected it of this guy.
But then again, he was a master of deception.
Deception becomes a way of life for the porn addict because everything about the world of pornography is based on lies. The more time we spend in a false world, where deception and trickery; half-truths and self-protective lying are the way people related to each other, the more we become that way ourselves.
It usually comes to light after the fact, but there are always clues that things are not what they seem where a porn addict is concerned.
For example: why did it take a guy three hours online to make his hotel reservation for his upcoming business trip? The reason is simple: he was looking at porn most of that time.
There were plenty of times during my addiction that my wife sent me on a run to the grocery store to get a gallon of milk and i made a detour of some kind. My lame excuse about traffic, or long lines at the store were mildly plausible, but upon reflection, they would not have stood up to scrutiny.
That’s because things were not what they seemed.