Addiction and deception are the perfect couple. Each serves the other and together they become more than the sum of their individual parts.
Deception causes Addction to thrive. Addiction makes Deception necessary.
There are many lies that lead to Addiction: the lie that porn will truly comfort the pain i am feeling; that porn is harmless; that it won’t have any negative effect on my personal relationships, including my marriage; that porn is normal or even a validation of my masculinity.
But as Addiction takes hold, it then serves Deception in a similar manner. The more addicted i become the more that reinforces the lies i am believing: the lie that i am on my own in this world; the lie that even if i wanted to i couldn’t tell anyone how deep in am into porn because of the shame; the lie that i am the stud i imagine myself to be when i fantasize or look at porn; the lie that it’s all about me.
A man will fight tooth and nail to deny that he is an addict. But once he admits it, he will still live in denial with regard to just what it means to say he is addicted to porn. And he will live in a deceptive cloud when it comes to understanding just what he needs to do to break free.
Many men are deceived into thinking that they can dabble in recovery programs and still see healing take place. No dabbling will do. It’s time to be a warrior and fight it.
The deceitfulness of the sin is that as you indulge in the behavior you believe the lie that what you are doing is competely normal and acceptable.
Even in recovery an addict will not admit reality; or he will tell others in the recovery process what they want to hear; or he will convince himself that he is doing great with his recovery and that he is healed after two visits to a counselor or a recovery group.
For men who are just men of the world, where porn is considered OK, Deception is still at work. Porn use still deceives you. Porn will give you false ideas about authentic masculinity. And Addiction and Deception still kill relationships, even for men who live in an environment that accepts porn.
The fact is that everything about porn is deceptive. What you are looking at when you view porn is a lie and the more you look at porn the more lies you are believing about real, healthy sex; real, healthy women; and yourself. You are deceived by the images, thinking that hot women want you and that they want you at all times. You are duped into thinking that women exist for your sexual consumption and that most of them like it that way.
But Deception doesn’t end there. Deception actually becomes your way of life. The way you think about yourself and then talk about yourself to other people. The lies build on one another.
If you travel in circles where porn is not acceptable you further Deception by living a double life: acting like the upstanding and righteous man when you’re with people, then running off to secretly indulge porn when you can be alone. And that acting, that fraud, is still a part of a man even when he enters recovery. He is so accustomed to spinning a deceptive tale about his life that is won’t go away easily.
This is where the truth of God must break in.
All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord. [Prov. 16:2]