fighting for free hearts

Confessing: Brutal, But Crucial

Having the conversation with your wife in which you admit to your addictive pattern with pornography, lust and masturbation is brutal, especially if you are having the conversation after a relapse.

But no matter how brutal it is, it’s crucial. Concealing our sin only makes it worse and gives the behavior more power over us.

The journey to purity and freedom requires continual disclosure. It’s one of the biggest battles we face as we deal with our issues.

We must fight not to fall back into the pattern of hiding and deceiving.

Jeff Fisher at Porn to Purity wrote a good piece on this recently.

Among the good things Jeff says:

Maybe you think, “I’ll feel bad about it today, but I’m going to do some good things for my wife and make up for it.  Then I won’t feel so bad.”

Or you think if you push it away you’ll feel less guilty about it tomorrow.  Has that been your strategy?

Maybe you don’t think it really matters.  It’s not that big of a deal.  She probably lied about things too.  I’ve done a lot worse things in the past.

Or the most popular thought:  “I know if I tell the truth it’s going to make things worse.  It’s better to lie and not tell her.”

These are all rationalizations.

Good thoughts. One of the guiding truths for me over the years has been:

He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but he who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. [Prov.28:13]

Come clean. Don’t let things fester in the darkness. On one hand, there will never be a “good time” to tell your wife what you have done. So stop waiting for one and justifying your continued deception.

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