Like many men who struggle seriously with lust, before i was married i thought — mistakenly — that once i was married the issue would disappear.
i was a “good” Evangelical and i was saving myself for marriage. So naturally i thought that once i had a wife the temptation to lust and look at porn would be resolved. With a wife to enjoy physically, all would be good.
I was wrong. Tragically wrong.
In fact, it was not long after my wedding that i bought a porn magazine. What i misunderstood was that the real driving force behind my struggle with lust and porn was actually not sexual. Sure, the means of acting out was sexual, and it hurt my wife profoundly because anything that betrays a person sexually does so in a unique manner that cuts to the very core of what it means to be a man or a woman.
But the root of the sin was not sexual.
This is why i have to tell men over and over that marriage is not a “fix” for their addiction to porn and lust. And so often, single guys simply don’t believe that.
The married men i work with all nod in agreement. The single guys always think that if they just get married — preferrably to a really hot woman — they will be set.
The sad truth is that for me, as well as other men i know, it was after marriage that the extensive acting out actually occurred — not before. I didn’t purchase a porn video, visit a strip club, or frequent adult bookstores until i was married.
Marriage is no fix. i know a guy who even married a model, literally, and he still found marriage was no fix.
The “fix” is the transformational work of Jesus in dealing with our sin, conquering it and setting our hearts free. The “fix” is submitting to God, fleeing from the Enemy and receiving His Life and strength. The “fix” is getting our self understanding from our new identities as Sons of God; co-heirs with Christ to the promise and living out of the truth that we are new creations.
Short cuts are always tempting. But only Jesus can heal this. Thankfully, He does and His healing is true and deep.