Vagueness And Hiding

Back when i was actively looking at porn; indulging my addiction with a continual lust for more, i developed a proficiency at vagueness.

When people asked me a direct question about just about anything, but especially about something personal, i gave indirect and unspecific answers.  i became very good at it, actually.  And something about working in full-time Christian ministry at a church actually aided and abetted my cause.

Simply put, the cause was basic:  i would not share anything that was real or personal with anyone — including my wife.

More precisely, particularly my wife.

Vagueness is a tool of the trade for sex and porn addicts.  Even on a broad scale among men who aren’t addicts, vagueness is very common.

Men are afraid of being known for who they truly are, and vagueness serves a very useful purpose in the art of hiding, which is something all men do — even if they don’t do it in equal measure.

As i write in my book Intentional Warriors: Fighting For Purity And Freedom In A Sexually Saturated Society, Adam was the first to fashion a fig leaf for his covering, but he was by no means the last.  Men after Adam have become skilled craftsmen in the art of vagueness and hiding.

Men hide behind their careers, their reputations, their gadgets, their prestige and other other thing they can use to their advantage for a sense of confidence.

Addiction compounds the hiding.  We use it to hide from reality and then he have to hide the addiction. i used porn to hide from responsibility; to hide from the demands of life which regularly exposed the fact that i was not really a man. Pornography was my escape and my medication:  Just a little to ease the ache inside.

Until…just a little wasn’t enough anymore.

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