fighting for free hearts

Is Porn A Deal Breaker?

Should a single woman who is in a serious dating relationship with a man consider his  frequent use of pornography a deal breaker when it comes to potential marriage?

It’s a great question, and it was recently posed to John Piper.  He began answering it on a podcast, but unfortunately the audio suffers some sort of glitch before we get to hear him answer the question fully.

Piper spends a good amount of time setting the stage for why porn is destructive and it would seem based on that that the answer would be “Yes, it’s a deal breaker.” But without the rest of the audio we don’t know his answer for certain.

i actually spoke with a woman last night who had been in this very situation several years ago.  The man wasn’t really dealing with the issue, and was somewhat prone to giving excuses. She told the man to get counseling. He got some counseling, and so did she. In the end she decided she wouldn’t marry the man.

i have to say it doesn’t bode well at all for a potential marriage if the pattern in the man’s life is frequent porn use, followed by no real progress in dealing with the behavior.  If he continues to give excuses, or just says he’s “trying,” but he still keeps his usual pattern of porn use, flags should start flying in the mind of a potential wife-to-be.

There are several reasons why it’s troubling, which include the pornography itself, as well as what the pattern tells you about the man as a person.

For one thing, porn is destructive and it immediately puts the wife-to-be in a horrible position of having to compete with hundreds upon thousands of images which is a losing situation for any real woman. For another, the man’s unwillingness to see the problem for what it is shows his connection to God and his ability to put his wife-to-be before himself are seriously lacking.

What’s more, it shows he really hasn’t understood some basic Biblical teaching about God, holiness and the Lordship of Christ.

Such a marriage will limp out of the gate and get worse from there.  Such a man is not prepared to love a real woman; therefore, he’s not ready to be a husband.

So, although i have no idea what Piper says in response to the question, my answer is “Yes, a man’s frequent porn use and lack of any measurable change on the issue are deal breakers for a potential marriage.”

Run in the other direction.

4 Responses to “Is Porn A Deal Breaker?”

  1. Castimonia

    I agree with everything you wrote, especially thinking about my own daughters and the man they will marry!

    Reply

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