If a man wants to see any change in his life regarding the control that lust and porn exert over him, he must take the first step, which is to Come Clean. And if he is married, or seriously dating a woman, coming clean must include telling his woman.
Many men want to avoid telling their wives or serious girlfriends any details, and they console themselves with the thought that it’s enough to only tell their secret to a couple of men in an accountability relationship.
i used to think that too. i even had noble-sounding arguments for why my approach was right.
i was dead wrong.
What made my approach wrong? Simple, i was held captive by a secret. And the truth is, Secrecy and Intimacy cannot coexist.
The secret life i was cultivating by routinely watching porn and escaping into lustful fantasy made it impossible to have intimacy with my wife. It also made it impossible to have relational intimacy with anyone else.
Telling my wife was not something i did to make her my accountability partner. It was something i did to stop being a liar and fraud; it was necessary in order to truly have a relationship with her.
Coming Clean is one of the hardest steps to take, especially when it involves coming clean to your wife. And yet, it’s crucial. Until the secret is brought into the light; until it is no longer a secret, there is no chance of breaking its power in your life.
But when truth is honored in our lives, real change can begin. When the truth is honored, there is a chance for healing and grace to invade the crevices of our hearts that have been given over to sin by repeatedly indulging in porn and lustful fantasy.