fighting for free hearts

Excuses: ‘I’m The Exception’

i was talking with a guy recently who started out explaining his sexual addiction by saying: “Nobody has the type of sexual addiction i have.”

He went on to describe what he deals with and the particular way his lust manifests itself. He spent a considerable amount of time mentioning how, in all of his years dealing with his addiction, he has never found another man who has the same issue.

When he finished i told him that what he was talking about was very much like what everyman deals with. His expression dropped.

His expression dropped even further when i told him that there is a specific danger in thinking: “Nobody has the particular addiction i have?”

That sort of thinking gives rise to sense of entitlement. That sort of thinking creates a ready-made excuse i can use as a trump card, so to speak, to justify my actions even when i know that my actions should not be justified.

The idea that i am the exception; that nobody “gets” me; or that i have it worse than others is selfishness and pride masquerading as victimization.

The fact is, for this man i was talking to — as well as the rest of us — the commonalities regarding our struggle with sexual addiction are much stronger than our differences. The fact is, it’s not the particular expression of our sexual sin that makes us unique; we are unique because God designed us all — somehow— absolutely unique from one another and yet all still in His image.

The other fact is this:  people “get” us much more than we want to admit.

We spend a lot of time crafting fig leaves for ourselves in order to hide our shame, our guilt and our embarrassment that we feel due to our self awareness that we fall short, but even the best fig leaf we can get is still pretty obvious to anyone who knows what to look for.

The journey out of sexual addiction must begin by putting aside the excuse that “i am the exception,” because as long as i hold on to that i won’t submit to the process of healing, which requires a humble spirit.

 

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