Back From The Dead

Back from the dead. This is what my life feels like these days.

And while being dead isn’t so good, being back from it is.

i spent most of October ill, as ill as i have been in — literally — more than 20 years.

i was down and out. i was miserable. A lot of things fell through the cracks.

It’s amazing, though, what starts to happen when medication and rest and prayer really start to gain traction. And this is where my journey through physical illness becomes a metaphor for the spiritual journey _ especially the journey toward purity and freedom from porn and lust addiction.

In the fog of illness, as in the fog of war, it’s difficult to remember what’s true.  It’s difficult to see anything beyond the immediacy of your own suffering.

i had become convinced i was never going to get better. i had become convinced illness was going to win. In war language, i had become convinced that death would prevail.

This was the case the other night as the Warriors gathered to lean heavily on one another; to share our victories and defeats; and to draw life and mercy from God.

Many men were laid low in despair at their sin. They had only defeat to share. One man said he was “lost.”

And yet, truth broke in that night. Against a backdrop of painful and serious defeat, hope and life and light and truth went forth as we focused on 2 Corinthians 4:6-11.

God has shone His light in our hearts that we might have the knowledge of His glory in Christ; so that we _ despite being afflicted, perplexed, persecuted and struck down will not be crushed, despairing, abandoned or destroyed. Our only hope is the all-surpassing power of God poured out in Christ in and through our jars of clay. We carry around the death of Christ; crucifying the flesh again and again, that the life of Christ will be revealed in us.

He is our treasure. No matter our defeat. No matter how lost we are at the moment. God says: “Let light shine out of darkness.”

And because of His all-surpassing power, it does.



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