fighting for free hearts

Why Do We Look At Porn?

My good friend Michael John Cusick, author of Surfing for God, tipped me off to this blog post by Lucas Gifford that addresses so well the real reason we look at porn.

The article is brilliant. i encourage you to take the time to read it through.  It will help you whether you struggle with looking at pornography or if you care about someone who does.

In his blog post, Gifford shares much of his own story and articulates the deep truth beneath his former behavior:

But I’m not convinced my addiction was ever to pornography.  In fact, I believe that every addiction to porn begins with a longing to experience what every heart really wants…..

And that’s to have deep connection with someone.

Connection is a true core desire. To see and be seen. To know and be known — and ultimately, to be loved.

Gifford adds this:

The way I look at it, porn equals connection.  It’s a false connection, of course, but it’s still an attempt to connect.  And if you’re addicted to porn, I promise you—you’re actions reveal your heart’s TRUE longing to connect to someone.  But when that ache inside the heart isn’t understood, porn becomes the inadequate person’s inadequate replacement for real connection.  Porn might feels good for a moment—but it never fulfills the inner ache. 

Oh, that inner ache.

Later in the article Gifford asks the question: “How do we connect to love?” It’s a great question, and his answer is somewhat surprising, i think.

This is where things get real in the conversation, and where most people start to back away.

For a while, I tried to fix my false connection with porn by connecting myself first to God.  And though that sounds great in theory and very Christian of me, it didn’t work.  How could I have possibly connected to God without first connecting with my own heart?  That’s like trying to turn on a lamp without first plugging the lamp’s cord into electricity.  There are also many who believe that they will fix their false connection to porn by connecting to their spouse or loved one, and believe me, that won’t work either.  Your heart can’t connect with others if it’s avoiding itself.

The whole reason that any of us connect to porn is because at some point, we haven’t connected with US.  We haven’t been honest with ourselves.  We haven’t connected with our pain.    

And the core pain is…..deep down, we don’t believe we’re good enough to be loved. 

i don’t expect Christians to say that it didn’t work for them to try to connect with God first.  In all honesty, there is within most of us a part of our hearts that feels that and at the same time wonders: Is he allowed to write that?

Of course he is, and it brings freedom to admit it.

Read the whole article, it’s very encouraging.

 

 

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