That something is the object or activity around which we orbit.
Addicts, at least initially, can identify the thing around which they orbit easily enough: it’s the activity of the addictive behavior. For alcoholics, it’s the drink; for drug users, it’s the substance; for pornography addicts, it’s the pornographic material.
But a little bit of scratching below the surface will also reveal other objects — usually behaviors and beliefs — around which we as addicts orbit.
The other night, among the WarriorPoets, it became obvious that for one man, women — in general — had been the thing around which he orbited all these years. This had ramifications for him with regard to his need to free himself from an unhealthy relationship.
Porn addicts often find that they orbit The Woman, when they have been designed for a much larger orbit than that. The Woman is a crucial part of a man’s life — God said it was not good for Man to be alone — but if pursuit of The Woman becomes the whole of his existence, the orbit is too small.
And women know this to be true. No woman enjoys the smothering that comes from a man who is trapped in such a small orbit that his security and identity are determined by having her constant, undivided attention.
Many women know the pain of being “chased” long after a break up by a guy who simply fell apart when the relationship ended and his orbit was so small that he couldn’t let go and move on.